You have a leadership role, a team, and the power to make decisions. But something feels off. Your team does what you ask, but they have no energy. People wait to be told what to do, and no one takes charge.

You might be managing, but are you really leading?

There’s a big difference between being a boss and being a leader. Bosses use their position to get things done. Leaders inspire others to do great work. The difference comes down to one choice: Do you lead through authority or through influence?

True leadership means inspiring others to take action and reach shared goals. This kind of leadership works everywhere: in teams, organizations, communities, and families.

The path from boss to leader requires four pillars of lasting influence.

Authority vs. Influence: The Foundation of Leadership

Every leader faces the same choice: Will you lead through authority or influence?

Leading Through Authority (The Boss Way)

Authority-based leadership sounds like this: “Do this because I’m your boss.”

This is the lazy way to lead. When you use your title or position, you’re not really leading. You’re just using power.

This doesn’t require any skill. You’re just using the fact that you outrank someone. You get them to do what you ask. And this might work in the short-term, but it creates problems:

• People do the minimum required work
• Team members stop innovating and wait for orders
• Trust breaks down when you control people
• Team energy disappears when you force work

   

Leading Through Influence (The Leader Way)

Influence-based leadership works differently. You don’t demand that people do things. You inspire them to take action. You create a place where people want to do their best work.

Here’s the key: Leaders model the behavior they want to see in others.

If you want your team to be responsible, you must be responsible first. If you want them to admit mistakes, you must admit yours. When you show the behavior you want consistently, you build a high-performance culture. And this culture continues even when you’re not there.

The Four Pillars of Leadership Influence

Real leadership influence rests on four pillars. They work together, and each pillar supports the next. Together, they create a foundation strong enough to inspire lasting change.

Pillar 1: Triple Purpose

Great leaders make sure their team has Triple Purpose. This means every team member feels inspired to:

• Grow personally in ways that matter to them
• Support their teammates’ growth and success
• Create positive impact for others beyond the team

When people see how their work helps them grow, supports their colleagues, and makes a difference for others, work becomes meaningful.

Without Triple Purpose, people show up for a paycheck. With it, they show up to make a difference.

Pillar 2: Earned Trust

You cannot demand trust. Rather, it must be earned.

Earned Trust happens when team members feel safe. They can be honest, admit mistakes, and show their real selves without fear.

This pillar grows from Triple Purpose. When people know you care about their growth, they open up about their challenges.

As a leader, you earn trust by:

• Admitting your own mistakes openly
• Supporting team members when they struggle
• Following through on what you promise
• Being open and honest about decisions and changes

   

Pillar 3: Healthy Conflict

Most teams avoid conflict because they think it’s inherently bad. But Healthy Conflict is essential for achieving great results.

It means team members feel safe to challenge ideas. They can disagree respectfully. And they push each other toward better solutions.

Healthy Conflict only works when you have Triple Purpose and Earned Trust. People need to trust that challenging an idea won’t hurt their relationships or career.

Without Healthy Conflict, teams make poor decisions. And no one questions assumptions. With it, teams find breakthrough solutions because all perspectives are heard.

Pillar 4: Mutual Accountability

The final pillar is Mutual Accountability. This means team members hold each other responsible for results and behavior. The leader doesn’t have to do everything.

Mutual Accountability develops naturally when the first three pillars are strong:

• Triple Purpose gives people a reason to care about outcomes
• Earned Trust makes it safe to have difficult conversations
• Healthy Conflict empowers team members to address problems directly

When Mutual Accountability exists, you don’t have to be the “bad guy.” The team keeps high standards because they matter to everyone.

Leadership in Action: A Real Example

Understanding the pillars is one thing. Living them is another. Here’s a real example of how modeling leadership influence works:

After a difficult team meeting, a CEO sent this message to his senior team:

“I owe you all an apology for today’s call. I was short a few times and led with negative energy. After thinking about it, I think I was in Judge mode about our client not being completely happy with her experience of our work so far.”

The message continued. He admitted specific mistakes. He explained what he should have done differently. He asked for the team’s help in preventing similar situations.

This simple act modeled all four pillars:

• Triple Purpose: Showing he cared about everyone’s growth, including his own
• Earned Trust: Being open about his mistakes
• Healthy Conflict: Inviting feedback about his leadership
• Mutual Accountability: Asking the team to help him improve

The result? The team felt safer to admit their own mistakes. They challenged ideas respectfully, and they held each other responsible.

How Your Saboteurs Hurt Your Leadership

Even with good intentions, your Saboteurs can destroy your leadership influence.

These automatic negative thought patterns push you back toward boss behavior when you’re stressed.

The Controller makes you micromanage. This hurts trust.

The Pleaser makes you avoid difficult conversations. This prevents Healthy Conflict.

The Hyper-Achiever makes you focus only on results. You ignore people’s growth.

The Judge makes you criticize mistakes harshly. This kills the safety you need for Earned Trust.

When your Saboteurs are active, you model the opposite of what you want to see. Your team picks up on this energy and mirrors it back.

Using Your Sage for Leadership

Your Sage represents your inner wisdom. It’s your ability to respond to challenges with clarity and strength. When you lead from your Sage, you naturally model the four pillars.

Sage-powered leadership looks like:

• Empathizing with your team members’ views before making decisions
• Navigating toward solutions that serve everyone, not just short-term results
• Exploring new possibilities instead of doing things the old way
• Innovating by bringing fresh thinking to challenges and creating new solutions
• Activating by being decisive and moving from planning to doing

When you operate from your Sage consistently, your team experiences leadership that feels both strong and supportive.

Building Leadership Influence: Three Key Practices

1. Model First, Talk Second

Before asking your team to change any behavior, show that change yourself. Your team watches what you do more than what you say. When you model the behavior consistently, they’ll start to copy it.

2. Use PQ Reps to Stay in Sage Mode

PQ Reps are 10-second exercises that focus intensely on one physical sensation, such as rubbing two fingertips together. They help you shift from Saboteur to Sage thinking.

Use them:

• Before difficult conversations
• When you feel reactive
• During tense meetings

   

3. Create Agreements for Support

Ask your team to help you model better leadership. For example: “Next time you see me getting reactive in a meeting, would you suggest we take a two-minute break to do PQ Reps?”

This shows you’re human. It invites Healthy Conflict, and it creates Mutual Accountability.

Common Leadership Mistakes to Avoid

Mistake 1: Talking About Values Instead of Showing Them

Many leaders create vision statements. But they don’t show those values in their daily behavior. People follow what you do, not what you say.

Mistake 2: Avoiding Hard Conversations

Leaders sometimes think they’re being kind by avoiding tough conversations. But this actually prevents Healthy Conflict and responsibility.

Mistake 3: Making Exceptions for Top Performers

When you let top performers skip behavioral expectations, you send a message. You’re saying results matter more than how those results happen. This destroys trust across the team.

Mistake 4: Leading with Saboteurs During Crisis

Under pressure, many leaders go back to boss behavior. This is exactly when modeling Sage leadership matters most. Your team is watching how you handle stress.

Creating Your Leadership Legacy

Real leadership influence isn’t about getting people to do what you want right now. It’s about developing team members who can think clearly and act responsibly. They inspire others even when you’re not around.

When you consistently model the four pillars, you create a ripple effect. The people you influence begin influencing others the same way. Your leadership style spreads throughout the organization.

This is how lasting change happens. Not through rules and authority. It happens through influence that inspires people to become better versions of themselves.

The question isn’t whether you have the authority to lead. The question is whether you have the influence to inspire.

Start building that influence today. Choose one pillar to focus on this week. Model the behavior you want to see. Stay in your Sage when challenges arise. And ask for support from your team.

What leadership behavior will you start modeling today?

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