Emotional intelligence is about understanding and managing your own feelings, as well as understanding the feelings of others. We often think that success is all about being analytical and data-driven. However, top leaders will tell you a different story: that their most important decisions are often made with intuition and emotional intelligence, which they consider a key to their success.

Many people believe the most successful leaders only use logic and data. They think success comes from crunching numbers and making cold, hard decisions. But this isn’t the full picture. The truth is, the biggest successes often come from a different place: vision, inspiration, and purpose. These are emotional concepts, not just logical ones.

Think about the world’s best companies. They don’t just sell products. They sell feelings. When you see an ad, it doesn’t just list a product’s features. It tells a story that makes you feel something. This emotional connection is what makes you want to buy it. And the same is true for leadership. A great leader inspires people to work toward a shared goal.

The Two Sides of Your Brain

Your brain has two parts that work very differently:

1. Your Left Brain: This is your analytical side. It thinks step-by-step and uses logic. It’s great for solving math problems and looking at data. But this is also where your Saboteurs live, creating negative thoughts and worries.

2. Your Right Brain: This is your Sage brain. It’s the source of your emotional intelligence and wisdom. It sees the big picture and finds insights through feelings and intuition. This is the part of your brain that gives you brilliant ideas when you’re not trying so hard, like when you’re out for a walk or in the shower.

We often rely too much on our left brain, which holds us back. The key is to use both sides of your brain to become a “full-brained” person.

The Problem With Most Emotional Intelligence Training

You’ve probably heard about the importance of emotional intelligence at work. Maybe you’ve even been to a training session about it. These programs often teach great skills like active listening or how to give feedback. But they often don’t lead to lasting change. Why?

Because developing these skills is like “building castles on sand.” They address the surface-level problem, but they don’t fix the root cause. For example, if your Judge Saboteur constantly criticizes people, no amount of training on active listening will make you a good listener. Your inner critic will always get in the way.

To truly grow your emotional intelligence, you have to go to the root of the problem. That’s where the Positive Intelligence operating system comes in.

The Positive Intelligence Solution: Three Simple Steps

The Positive Intelligence operating system is a simple, powerful way to improve your emotional intelligence. It gives you a clear path forward through three core mental shifts:

1. Catch Your Saboteurs: Your Saboteurs are your inner critics. They are the main reason you get stuck in negative patterns. The first step is to recognize these Saboteurs and stop them from taking over.

2. Energize Your Sage Brain: Your Sage is the wise, calm part of your mind. By doing simple mental exercises, you can quiet your Saboteurs and build the mental muscle of your Sage.

3. Use Your Sage Powers: Your Sage has five powers that help you respond to any challenge with wisdom. By using these powers, you build new mental pathways that make you more resilient and effective. The 5 Sage Powers are: Empathize, Explore, Innovate, Navigate, and Activate.

When you focus on these three simple steps, you build 17 of the 18 emotional intelligence competencies. This approach is much easier and more effective than trying to master one competency at a time.

How Saboteurs Sabotage Your Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence competencies fall into four groups: Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, and Relationship Management. Here are a few examples of how Saboteurs can prevent you from fully developing these competencies.

Self-Confidence and the Hyper-Vigilant Saboteur

Self-Confidence is having a positive view of yourself and your abilities. The Hyper-Vigilant Saboteur makes you constantly worried about all the things that could go wrong. It convinces you that you can never be fully prepared.

How the Saboteur gets in the way: This constant anxiety is the opposite of feeling confident. You’re always focused on what you haven’t done or what you might have missed. This creates a lasting lack of confidence because you’re never truly sure you’ve covered all your bases.

The Sage solution: Your Sage can help you shift your focus. The Empathize Power lets you show yourself unconditional self-love and compassion, building a strong sense of self-worth. The Activate Power helps you take clear, focused action, which builds trust in your own abilities.

Service Orientation and the Avoider Saboteur

Service Orientation is about understanding and meeting the needs of others. The Avoider Saboteur makes you put off dealing with difficult or unpleasant tasks. It encourages you to avoid conflict and challenging situations.

How the Saboteur gets in the way: To truly understand someone’s needs, you have to be willing to ask hard questions and listen to answers that might be uncomfortable. But the Avoider doesn’t want to hear anything that might require you to do something difficult. It might make you avoid asking the right questions, which sabotages your ability to be of service.

The Sage solution: To overcome this, you can use the Explore Power to approach the situation with curiosity and no judgment. This helps you understand what’s really going on without fear. Then, you can use the Activate Power to take decisive action to meet those needs.

Developing Others and the Pleaser Saboteur

Developing Others is about helping people grow and reach their potential. The Pleaser Saboteur makes you want everyone to like you. It focuses on being nice rather than being effective.

How the Saboteur gets in the way: A true leader needs to be able to give honest, direct feedback, even when it’s hard to hear. But the Pleaser doesn’t want to have those tough conversations because they might displease someone. Instead of acting as a powerful coach, the Pleaser becomes a cheerleader who only talks about what’s going well. This focus on being liked keeps you from providing the critical feedback needed for real growth.

The Sage solution: The Empathize Power helps you connect with the other person as a human being, so they know you care about them even when the feedback is tough. The Navigate Power helps you and the other person see the bigger picture — the purpose and meaning behind the difficult work of development. This inspires them to want to improve.

Rewire Your Brain to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

These examples show that you don’t need to learn a long list of new skills to improve your emotional intelligence. You need to quiet your Saboteurs and activate your Sage. Mental fitness practices build new neural pathways in your brain that allow you to do this.

Here’s how it works. Every time a Saboteur takes over, it strengthens its negative habits. But with consistent practice, you build the mental muscles of your Sage brain. This means your Sage intensity increases while your Saboteur intensity decreases. You’ll be hijacked less often by negative reactions, leading to a stronger, more resilient mind.

The beauty of this approach is that it is sustainable. You’re not trying to push through with willpower, which is the Saboteur’s way and leads to burnout. You’re simply dissolving the resistance by shifting your perspective. You’re pulled forward by positive emotions like curiosity and creativity, not driven by fear.

Build Lasting Emotional Intelligence With Mental Fitness

Building mental fitness transforms how you navigate challenges. It gives you the tools to see a setback not as a failure, but as an opportunity for growth. By focusing on the root cause of your emotional struggles, you can experience powerful and lasting improvements in your well-being, performance, and relationships.

Are you ready to explore how Positive Intelligence can help you build lasting emotional intelligence? Take the free Saboteur Assessment to discover which inner critics might be limiting your potential.

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